looking back on 2014...trying not trip


One Direction Croke Park, Dublin - May, 2014
Right now I'm stressed. I've lost something valuable. I'm also sad because I'm supposed to be attending a funeral today. At the same time I can't help but wander if this, being the last day of 2014, is some sort of analogy of my year. Loss. 2014, for me, has been in a way a year of losses. Not all losses being in the bad and pessimistic sense. There have been some good losses. Some needed losses, but they're all losses nevertheless. With a loss, one usually finds something else. With the loss of someone, you usually come across a new found importance on life and its fragility. With the loss of an item, you may find something old, something you forgot was there. Losing something doesn't always have to be a bad thing.

At the beginning of 2014 I started a blog, which would turn out to be the better decisions I made this year. I found myself apart of a community and thanks to this community I gradually started losing an old me, an old way of thinking, and started finding a person whom I was happy to become.

In 2014 I restarted reading Rookie Mag. At the start of the year I rigorously shied away from the title "feminist", for no other reason other than the idea that I couldn't possibly be capable of being an advocate for equal rights between men and women, look at me...I'm so bAsIc. Restarting to read Rookie Mag opened me up to issues concerning teen girls and feminism, among other things. I can now proudly proclaim that I am a feminist. Now I want to defeat the patriarchy, combat misogyny in all its forms, support all my sisters in whatever they choose to do, and learn, understand, and grow. That's the plan for 2015.

In 2014 my mother started sending me to the library after school to do my homework, 4 days a week for 2 hours. I didn't do my homework. I took the opportunity of being surrounded by books to learn and grow and I'm so happy I did. Knowledge is good, kids. I want to be knowledgeable. Expand myself. I wanna get on the Smith siblings level in 2015.

In 2014 I started luving myself!!! Insecurity is a major thing as a teenage girl, and so much more as a black teenage girl as the Eurocentric ideas of beauty are being thrust in your face left, right, and centre. "My nose is too flat" "I'm too dark" "My lips are too big" etc etc etc. I'm in the process of rewiring my brain so that from now on there will be a large hot pink neon sign proclaiming 'BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL, BLACK GIRLS ROCK'. I'm trying to care less about others opinions and focus on myself and what makes me happy. I'm aiming to be as carefree as Solange in 2015 yo.

In 2014 I also started luving myself not just as a person, but as a black person, a person of colour. Understanding that my life, as a black human being, matters. Understanding that I am worth something. Understanding racism in all its forms and finding the voice and confidence to stand up against it. Seeing so many social injustices occur these past few months regarding the lives of black people and people of colour, has lit a fire under me. I want to stand up with other minority groups and speak up in 2015.

In 2014 I realized that there are some people that maybe aren't the best type of people to invest so much of my time into. Friends who I feel are not bettering me or me, them. People who I love so dearly that I don't know what to do. I guess I spent a lot of 2014 fixated on my friendship and social situation. My younger sister is becoming a lot more extroverted that I look seemingly more introverted than I may have in 2013. My best friend lives in America, and this year I felt a lot more lonely than I have the past 5 years she's lived there. I want to fix this in 2015. I want to find a friend (or group of friends) who will be good for me and me, them. With the few social situations I've found myself in this year, I know more of who I want in my life and who I don't. This is a good thing.

In 2014, when I started my blog, no one knew. Not my family, not my friends, nobody. Somewhere along the line my mother found out, friends found out, people were coming up to me and telling me how good it was. I hated this so much so that on one occasion I cried. I think if I'm going to improve my blogging I need to stop caring. I need to worry less what they think. This is an opportunity for the people around me to sort of understand me, seeing that I don't say much in person. I want to stop shying away from the idea of irl's finding out about my blog this coming year, 2015.

This year I think I've lost myself in the best possible way and found a new, stronger, more assertive and confident Victory. A Victory who realizes that she's cute and beautiful and isn't reliant on a guy to tell her that. A Victory who is ready to step out of her house and take on the world in the cutest possible outfit ever. A Victory that understands her self-worth. A more knowledgeable and ever-growing Victory. There's still a long way to go for a 100% self-loving, confident, and truly happy Victory. I want to be more creative, less dependent on social media, I want to start something like a business or a zine or something in 2015. Isabella, over at Sincerely, Isabella, put together a beautiful post on her game plan for 2015, and I am going to borrow her ideas and make them part of my game plan for 2015 also.

A few of my favourite memories this year.

Madrid, Spain - April, 2014

Titanic Belfest, August 2014
One of numerous beach days with my family - August, 2014

Obviously, being me, I wanna share a few of my favourite bands and artists this year with you guys (the majority coming from you guys' recommendations):
........Alt J
The Drowners
Swim Deep
The Jungle Giants
Willow Smith
Dan Croll
Regina Spektor
Arctic Monkeys
The Front Bottoms

Each and every one of you guys have made 2014 the best year that I could possibly have. All your lovely comments are permanently inked onto my heart. You guys that have shown me so much love on here even on my wackest posts, you know who you are, I heart each and every one of you more than you know. You guys make my heart flutter so much. I'm looking forward to reading every single one of your blogs religiously next year, and watching you all grow and growing with you!!! I'm so soppy right now uGH.

HERE'S TO ANOTHER FABULICIOUS YEAR YOU GUYS!!! *raises glass of cranberry juice and cheers while wiping tears from eyes*

ps. I still haven't find that thing that I've lost, but I'm not stressed anymore. Writing is so therapeutic.

all photos taken by me

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  1. Can't believe I only just found your blog-happy new year! :) xoxo

  2. I hope your 2015 is HELLA FINE and you achieve everything you want to! Reading this made me so happy even though I don't know you! All the best x

    1. reading this comment made unbelievably happy thank you so much!! x

  3. 2014 was so hard for me. You definitely were/are not alone! Let's knock 2015 out of the water!!! <3


    1. I hope your 2015 is overflowing with joy and happiness Tessa!! <3 x

  4. this was the loveliest post <3 <3 it makes me really happy to see you so positive and happy about yourself and the future bc you are 13283629120 times more talented/beautiful/kind than I think you know and you deserve to be so happy!! good luck for 2015 - i hope it's fab. much looove xx


    1. mattie ugh i can't stop smiling!! this comment has made my whole day, i honestly can't thank you enough for being so kind and supporting! thank you so so so much and hope your 2015 is as amazing as you are!! x

  5. This post was beautifully moving. So many exciting things happened for you this year and your positivity is so awesome.
    You have amazing style and seem like a rad girl.


    1. Thank you so much! Sending you lots of love and positive vibes for 2015! x

  6. i love the positivity and self reflection in this post, I'm glad you feel like you're moving onwards and upwards (have an amazing 2015) <3


    1. thank you so much flossa! i hope your 2015 is just as amazing!! x

  7. I love this victory!! I think this is my fav post to date :D Wishing you the best of luck with blogging this year! You've got an amazing gift so keep it up!! :D x

  8. i love this post and happy new year!! <3

    1. thank u chloe! sending lots of love and positive vibes ur way for 2015! x

  9. Happy new year! xx

  10. aw i love this! 2015 sounds like it's going to be a great year for you! happy new year for maybe the bajillionth time and best of luck fulfilling your goals and feeling like the talented, beautiful feminist that you are! :3
    ps. thanks for sharing the list of artists!


    1. thank uUu for the lovliest comments throughout last year!! i love u a whole lot céline <3 (also no problem)


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