"life's short. live passionately"

14:50

Dear...,

  I'm currently down in the dumps and preparing to set base here cause the dumps is a comfortable place for me right now. This isn't to say I'm "depressed" or anything, but we all feel a little under the weather sometimes, right? Well I feel like a little under the weather, but it's not entirely a bad thing for me. When I'm camped out in the dumps, barbecuing my feelings, in a big forest of teen angst, I find I have time to gather my thoughts and re-examine myself. Self-reflection is always good.




  My mother just lectured me about how I have very little drive and ambition, but have so much potential and it made me very angry and sad. Angry because when my mother lectures me, I feel like I need to argue back. It's like a temporary, overwhelming feeling of dislike toward her because there's so much I like to think she doesn't know about me. Very ironic cause this is the woman who gave birth to me, and she's supposed to know me better than I know myself and stuff. This could be just all my over dramatic teenage feelings talking. I'm supposed to wake up one day as an adult and see that everything she said was right, but I'm not an adult and I'm currently feeling like she's being unfair and she's overreacting. Again, this is probably my over dramatic teenage feelings talking, but I don't feel like shutting them up.

  I also feel sad because 99% of what she said was true. How do they do that? You argue all your reasonable and logical points with them, and they always find a way to one-up you. To make you feel like they may actually have an idea of what they're talking about! She told me, in the most motherly lovingly way, that I have practically no drive, I procrastinate, and seem like I have no ambition, but that I have so much talent and potential and stuff and she loves me and stuff, but she doesn't see the outcome of any of it. 

  It's partly true. I am the biggest procrastinator, but I do reckon somewhere deep down I have a drive and ambition. I'm not sure what for, but I feel like I'm close to finding out soon. I'm a temporary phase type of person. I love something hardcore for weeks or months, then the time passes and I grow bored of it and instead of moving onto to something new to focus my ambition and drive on, I do nothing. A big long gap of nothingness. Well, actually laziness. I'm currently, and unfortunately, stuck in that phase right now. It's really quite sad because all the crazy weird ideas that reel through my ever expanding head 25/8 are just stunted by laziness. Part of me blames the addicting social media, but part of me knows that I was given the power to put it down at whatever time I want (though it's so unbelievably hard, like parting with a childhood sentiment or deleting songs off your phone or separating from an integral part of your being, practically impossible).

  My mother reminded me that my head is an ever turning wheel of ideas. That kinda kicked something into me because it's very true. That and the fact that when I read so many blogs, I see people with an ambition or passion for something and I feel like this whatchyamacallit, sitting by the sides silently watching fabulous people strut their stuff. I am now going to list to you the many things I want to do/start doing to be my definition of productive.

  I want to start a journal so I can express myself, because it is so inconvenient having to open up a computer every time I feel like sharing my thoughts. I want to start collaging, improve in my piano playing skillz, paint and sketch more out of pure freedom and not from a rulebook, write stories, poetry, essays, and anything really, I want to get into photography again, become a great chicken owner (yes, I will soon have a pet chicken, I've named her Goujon or Nugget, she will be for eggs and not for food.), decorate my room and have a more aesthetically pleasing one, watch more movies, read more books, expand my interest in fashion, learn to sew, make money legally *shifty eye motion* (nah, I'm only messing with ya), start and complete the President's Award (kind of like the DoE Award in the UK), and tons of other stuff but I can't remember. We shall call this my 2014 to-do list and I shall report back to you upon completion.

I really need to write shorter don't I? If you read to the end kudos to you, I'd give you a white chocolate cookie if it were possible. I thought I'd share my current feelings with you, [...], because you seem like a great listener.

I should probably ask a question like do you relate to anything I said? Are you more productive than me? Do you have a pet chicken?

Your frustrated, yet enlightened, teenage friend,
Victory


*quote in title by Marc A. Pitman. If only I could get this tattooed onto my eyeballs.



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10 comments

  1. i have the worst procastination problem too:( this has made me think i should get as to do list too because i am so unmotivated!

    pinkdaisychains.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. It definitely does motivate me, especially when I share it with you guys because then I have declared in front of all you guys that I will start being productive, so there's really no backing out now! I hope you do get motivated, and we can beat the procrastination bug together! :) x

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  2. I think it's so rad that you want to start journaling and stuff. It's gotten me so motivated to create things, because the feeling I have when I finish a journal, close it and open up a fresh one is the best feeling in the world. I've got over 15 journals at this point and I'd call them my favourite things. I know exactly what you mean about your parents being right too, I know that what they say is the truth, but I just want to argue with them.

    I accept this hypothetical sort of cookie you promised me if I read to the end. It is, hypothetically, delicious.

    I hope you share some stuff in your journal and your writing and stuff! I would love to see it.

    sonjatitanic.blogspot.ca

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    1. After reading your blog and stuff, I was definitely inspired to start one! As soon as I start I'm definitely going be sharing my stuff with you guys cause you're all my friends!

      I hope you enjoyed my hypothetical sort of cookie, it was made with love especially just for you guys! x

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  3. I love writing in a journal every night. I think that it's great writing practice but also lovely because you can look back and reminisce later on. I still have journals I kept in the third grade that I like to look at every now and then for laughs.

    I'd love it if you would also check out my blog: http://afashionneverland.blogspot.com/ xx

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    1. I wish I had started writing journals when I was younger! I'm very excited to start keeping a journal! Thank you for checking out my blog, I'll check yours now! :) x

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  4. i really like what you said in the first paragraph about how being down in the dumps helps you reflect. i've been trying to find a way to say that and you made it sound so eloquently simple!

    just like sonja, i also accept the cookie!

    i completely relate to this whole thing and i actually went through this exact thing before i started my blog and made almost the same list as you. i find that having a blog helps because you tell yourself 'oh i need to sketch/write/watch movies/read books so i can blog about it' and it kinda motivates you

    anyway hope you complete your list, i'd really love to read/see the stuff you create!

    http://lost--at-sea.blogspot.com

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    1. My blog really helps me too! I ask myself, "if I were to blog about my day, what could I say?" and it really helps me, plus knowing that people read it and want to see the outcome of my productivity is also a motivation. Thank you and I'll definitely be sharing what I do with you guys!

      ps. I hope you also enjoyed my hypothetical sort of cookie :) x

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  5. there is nothing in that that I don't relate 100% to. Last year I went through a good four months of not depression, but more self pity and 0 motivation to do anything that I couldn't shrug off. At school I couldn't not think about my problems and I felt like I was on autopilot the entire time, doing as little as possible to make it through the day. It sounds obvious but for me what stopped it was the good weather - I made myself go out loads with friends and just not worry about things, and the break did wonders. I get this whole parent thing too urgh. But yeah, journaling sounds good and I hope you feel better and start doing more of the stuff you love! xxo

    thisisfrom-matilda.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. The weather definitely has a lot to do with how motivated I feel for the day! Hopefully the weather gets better so I can do things outside of my house, but until then I'm reduced to sitting in my room and doing one of the many indoor activities I listed above. Thank you very much! :) x

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